


Tame This Raging Heart Of Mine

by AceComets



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Unresolved Romantic Tension, mentions of Arranged Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 11:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13739595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceComets/pseuds/AceComets
Summary: Sometimes saying I don't know is easier than admitting it's killing you.





	Tame This Raging Heart Of Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Megan (@christophrwood_) on Twitter posted a heartbreaking gif and quote and this one-shot was born. Another bittersweet ending. Post 3x13 so what has been revealed is canon in this but uses my own imagination as to why the Legion is really back.

The question was haunting Mon-El.

_Are you still in love with her?_

It was the question that had been following him around since he had woken up underneath National City and saw Kara again. It crept into his mind the moment she threw her arms around him and held him. 

_Are you still in love with her?_

It was one thing to be confronted by J'onn or Imra about Kara, about the unresolved feelings lurking behind his eyes but to confront himself was another matter. He couldn't bring himself to simply say yes out loud. It was agonizing to think about. Mon-El feared that saying so would actually break him.

The rational part of Mon-El knew he should have been more angry about Imra and Brainy betraying him and creating a false mission. Every single part of him in the future had been dying to use time travel and return back to Kara, to National City and the first home he had ever known. There was just too much at stake if he had done so. Yet, his friends, his fellow heroes, had gone behind his back to bring them back to this time in the hopes of stopping the Worldkillers.

It granted Mon-El his greatest wish and worst fear; it gave him back Kara.

_Are you still in love with her?_

The question tore Mon-El to pieces every single time it repeated in his mind.

Desperate to silence it, he had tried to work out his aggression. That had failed. He threw himself into repairing the ship. That was futile. The only thing silencing the demons in his mind was alcohol.

The alien bar was near empty. A few faithful had returned after everything that had transpired with Cadmus and the Daxamites but it was nowhere near as popular as it once had been. Sitting alone at the end of the bar, Mon-El had the bottle of Aldebaran rum with him and a glass that was never empty. The rum was just another painful reminder of the life he had lost and was now forced to remember.

Mon-El's head was down, the question was once more tormenting him when Kara had stepped into the bar. The hairs of the back of his neck stood and a shiver went down his spine. Without looking, he just knew she was there. His body could just feel her presence without a glance or any indication.

Kara slowly crossed the bar, hesitating with each step. It was torture for her to once more put herself in this position, to put herself close to Mon-El when she should have been running the other direction. Without meaning too, without trying or wanting too, Mon-El was going to break her.

Sliding onto the stool next to him, Kara let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Her eyes glanced at his side profile, the familiar curve of his nose, the new addition of a mustache, the bottom lip that jutted out just a bit. He was still as mesmerizing as before.

"Come here often?" Mon-El asked, turning his head to look at Kara, the corners of his lips turned up in the smallest of grins.

"Use that line often?" Kara replied, returning his smile and her heart jumping a bit at the ease and playfulness that she had missed.

A soft chuckle fell from Mon-El before he pushed his glass over to her, silently offering her a drink. Kara's fingers twirled the glasses around, debating if she should take a drink or not. She slide the glass back over his way.

"J'onn and Winn were worried about you." Kara finally said.

Mon-El shook his head, his hand grasping the glass and lifting it, downing the rest of the drink. "I don't want to talk about it."

"They said you were fighting with Imra." Kara paused for a moment, almost regretting even bringing it up. "Look, I know we have this weird, messy situation but if I can help, then I want too."

The softness of Kara's voice hit him like a punch to the gut. Why did she have to find him? Why did she still have to care about him more than anyone in his life ever had?

"Don't." Mon-El's voice was rough and took Kara aback. 

In a quick motion, Mon-El had pulled money from his pocket and tossed it on the bar top before making a beeline for the exit. Despite being startled, Kara recovered quickly and followed after him.

"Whoa, stop." She commanded, an edge in her own voice, "You do not get to do that."

"Do what Kara?" He snapped back as the bar door swung shut behind her, leaving them alone in the alley.

"Be a jerk and snap at me for checking in on you!" She bit right back. "You keep saying that you know this isn't easy on me so don't make it harder by acting like this when I try."

Mon-El's jaw clenched as he shook his head in frustration at himself. He was spiraling and taking it out on Kara wouldn't help. All of Mon-El feared that if Kara asked, if she just tried a little bit to break through his hardened exterior she'd success in a heartbeat. Everything he was avoiding with that question would come tumbling out.

"I still care about you." Kara said interrupting his thoughts, "I only want to make sure you are okay."

His eyes caught Kara's as she spoke, the same hurt hiding as she said that, meaning the words but not wanting too. It brought everything that Mon-El had been hiding beneath the surface up. His anger, his hurt and his frustration, the want, all of it erupted.

With no warning, Mon-El surged forward and pinned Kara to the wall behind her. She let out a gasp of surprise, not pain, as she felt Mon-El body against hers. His hands were on either side of her head against the wall and his forehead came to rest against hers.

"I'm not okay." Mon-El spoke through his clenched jaw, his eyes shut tight.

Kara's own hands came up to Mon-El's cheeks as held her gaze steady, "Look at me."

Instantly, Mon-El opened his eyes and his body relaxed. The intimacy was so wrong but it felt so right. It was as if the first missing part of his heart was being repaired by just getting to hold and touch Kara again. It reminded Kara why having a human heart was so good.

"Imra asked me if I was still in love with you." He whispered as his hands copied hers, holding her cheeks gently.

Kara swallowed hard, afraid for him to continue speaking but needing him too. Her heart had been on her sleeve since the moment she saw him in that ship. His emotions had been closely guarded, leaving her to simply run off and imagine the worst. His eyes though told her everything he didn't need to say. Blue swam against blue, drowning in a stare that conveyed every missed I love you, I need you, I want you.

"I lied to her and said I don't know." Mon-El's voice softened, barely above a whisper and meant only for Kara. "I lied to her because saying I don't know was easier than admitting that loving you is killing me."

Kara didn't know what to say, or even how to react. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she buried her head in his chest, letting herself get lost in him. Mon-El allowed himself to get pulled in, his arms sliding around Kara's back and holding her tight. 

Nothing about this was fair or right or just. There wasn't even a simple solution of just leaving Imra and the future. Those were the kind of thoughts that killed Mon-El, crushed his soul and his hope.

Having Kara in his arms right now, even in this stolen moment, it was the only thing healing him. Maybe it was wrong but they needed it. For just this minute, they needed to not be hurt and dying.

They needed their love.

 

 


End file.
